bus seat syndrome

i'm sitting on those standard 2 seaters in a bus on yet another long journey home. i sit next to the window so there's an open space for someone else to sit next to me.

i sit next to the window because i like to lean my head against the window and also because i feel bad if i sit on the outside as that is like "blocking" the inner seat. you know how it is like: if someone sits on the outer seat of the 2 seater, you are lazy to squeeze past him just to get the window seat right?

however, i always prefer to have private space, even if it's just a few centimetres inside a public bus. so naturally, as i'm sure you would all agree, i prefer if nobody sits next to me..

it's interesting to note that if there was another totally empty 2 seater available and yet someone decides to sit next to YOU in your 2 seater, you would find it weird right? i still remember a time when this rather pretty girl, for some reason, decided to sit next to me when there were other empty 2-seaters to choose from. i cheekily thought she was trying to pluck up the courage to ask me out.. muah haha... ( hey she DID look in my direction quite often ok? =P)

anyway i digress. naturally i would prefer to have the whole 2 seater to myself. it's always uncomfortable to have someone next to you. after that, no matter what, you feel at least a tad more self concious right?

so everytime someone boards the bus i hope they sit somewhere else.. and there are times when people just seem to keep ignoring your seat.. they sit everywhere else but next to you..

at first i'm happy that i kept the seat to myself.. but after the 8th or 9th time this happens, i start to wonder " how come nobody wants my seat? is there somethign wrong with my seat that i'm not aware of? "

so now i start hoping someone sits next to me.

but maybe i looked too desperate.. cos after that, everytime someone boards the bus, i will give them this " hey there wanna sit here?" look.. and that only scares them away...

so after a while, i decide that actually people are free to choose which seat they want.. it has nothing to do with how bad my seat is.. sometimes things like this just happen..

so now i'm fine either way... if people want to sit i'm happy to oblige but if not no big deal..

and as is so often the case, the moment you are comfortable with your own seat and stop caring about what other people think of your seat, someone sits next to you..

unfortunately that someone is some grumpy 40 yr old chinese auntie that keeps mumuring some weird language under her breath... you wonder if she's complaining about life or chanting some ancient spell...

i'm not sure if anyone else has experienced such a situation or felt the same way as i did but i have a funny feeling you would agree with me... we always start to think about whether something's wrong with us only after we see everyone else getting something we don't have, when we forget that actually we never wanted it in the 1st place.. trying to force it to happen doesn't help either. while, certainly, the environment can change your perspective on things it doesn't do anythign to change the outcome until you know what you really want for yourself.

it's not about whether all the other seats are taken.. it's about whether you are comfortable with your own seat even if it stays empty forever... and whether you are really ready to let someone sit next to you..

haha...