I'm getting old....

I fell sick this week... which is rather rare for me... worse still.. I took 2 days to recover.. which is almost unprecedented. It was a simple flu but I wasn't as resistant as before.

Perhaps this is a sign I'm getting old. This year I'll be 27. I know some men who became fathers at this age. It's a scary thought but this recent illness proves that I have lost the aura of invicibility that came with youth.

Another thing I've seem to lost is my interest in women. Before your thoughts run wild, I am still attracted to girls. But the idea of being with someone for the rest of my life no longer appeals to me as much as when I was young. Maybe it's because I already had a relationship and the whole novility is gone. I won't say I've been frightened off by a bad relationship because it wasn't. Sure it didn't work out but these things happen. I won't say I lost faith in love.

Maybe it's because my priorities have changed since my traumatic life changing event (refer to blog posted some time ago). Maybe I am just not ready to be in a relationship when it takes away my time and energy from other equally if not more important people.

Or maybe it's all of the above plus the fact that I just haven't met the right girl. All the things I've mentioned have raised the bar on what would get me interested. But maybe there still exists a girl who could convince me to take that leap of faith.

Perhaps the question I really should be asking is: could that girl actually be standing right in front of me but I'm thinking too much to notice her?

On that note, I better end my blog. haha

How to form a theory

it all starts with an observation. You noticed something behaving a certain way and nobody seems to have an explaination. (Either that or you didn't ask enough ppl)

You then start to think of an explaination for this observation. Nothing fancy. No math required either. Just a really simple idea, almost childish in its simplicity.


Next, you start wrapping your head around its implications. You begin to quantify the implications and formulate equations if possible. These quantified implications give predictions on what an output should be if you give certain inputs.

You start to share this theory with others and more often that not, it will be challenged. Heavily. But math doesn't lie. If you have the above-mentioned equations, other people can easily use them to calculate effects that can be checked against experiments or check if observations you could have had no influence on agree with the predictions from your theory. If you're lucky, the output is exactly what you predicted. People will try to come up with other theories that bring the same output. If their theory is simpler and more logical than yours and yet can make predictions to a high degree of accuracy, you have a problem. However, there is at least some consolation that you sparked off some new discovery even though you weren't correct to begin with.

If you're really lucky, everybody realizes that your theory is fundamentally simple, elegant and logical and yet can make amazing predictions. That's when you know you've got a quite powerful theory that is going to be more and more accepted.

Then some imbecile comes along and proves that your theory only works in 99% of cases. Your theory is defeated and you hopelessly argue that the 1% can be ignored, even though it goes against your morals as a champion of truth. After the initial frustration at being somewhat shamed subsides, you should calm down and realize that humans progressed only because they dared to question.

So you sit down with the imbecile, realize he/she isn't an imbecile at all, and try to find an even simpler explaination that somehow accounts for that missing 1%.

the funny thing is that one can never ever be sure that one has definitely covered all 100% of cases. Yet, greatness doesn't come from always being right. Rather it comes from being humble enough to realize he can miss out things and always makint an effort to be as thorough as possible.

Here's to Albert Einstein.

(P.S. Not all the details mentioned above relate to him, I just think he really is a good role model for trying to understand this universe we live in)

Freedom to choose or freedom from not knowing what to choose?

Recently, I was able to finally draw the line on an issue that was seriously bugging me. I'm really glad I did because without drawing a clear line and deciding what I want, I was stressed by not knowing what to do.

For almost 6 months, this issue had been dragging on and on. With little clarity and no clear stand made, it was hard to decide how to approach the issue. Worse, it was made more complicated by people (myself included) who couldn't decide what stand should they take.

There were just too many options available. And for a while, the issue would swing from one status to another and then back again. Sometimes I got the feeling that we even swapped stands. What I originally refused, I relented and even ended up wanting only to find that the person who had asked for it no longer wanted it anymore? Clarifications were constantly needed. Temporary resolutions had to be sought and resought. It was utterly confusing and stressful.

People talk about having the freedom to choose and having as many options available as possible. They desire to increase their range of options because it shows the lack of control others have on their lives and their right to freedom of choice. I agree to a certain extent but I cannot imagine how one can feel free when one is overwhelmed by all the different choices he could make. It's often difficult enough to decide between "yes" or "no". How much more difficult is it to choose between the millions of "yes-no" compromises! Yet we humans have a tendency to try and find some middle ground and so come up with a multitude of compromises. The problem with compromises is that it rarely truly satisifies both parties. Someone always has to take the shorter end of the stick. Worse still, both people could feel that they are the ones being short-changed! How ironic would that be?

I believe that it is only by choosing that we are truly free. By deciding what we want to do, we are liberated from the stress and turmoil that comes with ambiguity. By drawing a clear line, we brush away the "gray area" and know what we have to do.

Now of course you can argue that there is no issue without a gray area. I agree. And that is precisely why we need to make a stand. By making a stand, we draw a line on the issue and the gray area would presumably "change colur".

Even if the issue cannot be without a gray area, I think one thing that can be resolved into "black or white" are our principles and values. I knew what I had to do with that 6 month old issue because I knew that with God by my side, all that matters is growing my relationship with God. And that means trying my best to maintain good relationships with others. How can I love God and yet not at least do my best to treat others right?

I decided to let go of both disappointments and expectations, to accept that while we cannot bring the past back, we should at least ensure the future is without grudges or misunderstandings. And now I feel relieved, like this burden on my shoulder is finally lifted.

So I encourage one and all to make the choice. Take a stand. Decide what you want out of a situation and, eventually, your life. You'll be amazed at how free you will feel.

math question of the day

not like there'll be a math question every day but you get the idea... thought about this suddenly...

assuming that only the points matter and other factors like goal difference and head-to-head are not considerd, what is the minimum number of pts a team needs to win the league?

a league has 20 teams. each team goes against every other team twice. therefore there are 19*2 = 38 matches. a win is 3 pts, a draw is 1 pt, a loss is 0 pts.

the right answer by dec 1st 2359hrs wins a lunch.

Content....

5 stages of grief

1. Denial "It can't happen to me"
2. Anger "Why the bloody hell must it happen to me"
3. Bargaining / Pleading "Is there anything I can do to not let it happen to me?"
4. Depression "Sigh...It's really happening to me...there is nothing I can do"
5. Acceptance "It had its good and bad times.. but ultimately it's still a good memory I'll cherish"

What is "it"? "It" can be anything that you don't want to lose or don't want to have. Death, breakup, financial loss, job loss, didn't get promoted.

I am at stage 5 where I have come to accept that this is my lot and a part of my life. I can now move on and treat what happened as an interesting memory filled with every emotion you could think of. From joy to misery, calm to frustration.

It was so difficult to get through the previous 4 stages alone. It was even more difficult when for a brief moment I thought I wasn't alone but then went back to being alone again.

But now I am content... being alone felt bad during those times. No. It was worse than that. It was downright miserable. And having the comfort of another person only for that comfort to be taken away only exacerbated the pain. It felt so bad I thought it would never end.

But thank God, with His help it did. The depression has passed. That allowed me to not need another person's company. More importantly, it allowed me to finally rediscover the joy of being single, to recognize that everything has its pros and cons.

Being with someone is great when you're going through tough times. But contrary to what I thought, it is not impossible to get through those tough times "on you own" too. I realized I'm not actually on my own when God is in my life. God is always gently reminding me that He's still there to help me through this, even when I just wanted to shrivel up into a small corner where no one, not even God could see me.

Now I’ve come out of this stronger and enjoying life again. Sure it hurts sometimes when a memory is suddenly triggered. You feel like a dagger tip just lightly brushed your heart. But you look at the bigger picture and you think, "Life is still ok... but thank God for God!"

Thank God

"Goodbye To You"

"Goodbye to you" (Michelle Branch)

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

[Chorus:]
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

[Chorus]

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

[Chorus x2]

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star...

"history in the making"

The only thing I remember from my secondary school history lessons is that if past mistakes are the best teachers, then history should provide the greatest life lessons and the most insightful observations on how we should live our lives or what we can expect from them.

I couldn’t agree more.

There are events that forever changed the course of history: Pearl Harbour, Hiroshima, Lehman Brother’s collapse etc. Nobody knows for sure what would have happened without these events but everyone surely must agree that those events had a major impact on what happened afterwards. You just cannot delink a USD700bn “rescue” package or the end of the most casualty-ridden world war from Lehman or Hiroshima respectively.

Suffice to say that I recently had a life changing event of my own too. (Digress: Sometimes, the reason why the event happened at the best time possible can also make you feel it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.)

The event will forever change the course of my life. Priorities have changed completely. Past pursuits now seem like a mere “chasing after the wind”; irrelevant and redundant pursuits that amount to nothing of particular importance.

But the event also helped me realize what / who is important to me. I am not a slave to these things or people. Rather, I feel that they are God’s way of helping me get through this life as I try my best to follow God and meet Him in heaven.

I guess if history is really the best teacher, then learn from my experiences. Please treasure the people around you and not be afraid to do the right thing. You never know when you may lose that chance forever.