Content....

5 stages of grief

1. Denial "It can't happen to me"
2. Anger "Why the bloody hell must it happen to me"
3. Bargaining / Pleading "Is there anything I can do to not let it happen to me?"
4. Depression "Sigh...It's really happening to me...there is nothing I can do"
5. Acceptance "It had its good and bad times.. but ultimately it's still a good memory I'll cherish"

What is "it"? "It" can be anything that you don't want to lose or don't want to have. Death, breakup, financial loss, job loss, didn't get promoted.

I am at stage 5 where I have come to accept that this is my lot and a part of my life. I can now move on and treat what happened as an interesting memory filled with every emotion you could think of. From joy to misery, calm to frustration.

It was so difficult to get through the previous 4 stages alone. It was even more difficult when for a brief moment I thought I wasn't alone but then went back to being alone again.

But now I am content... being alone felt bad during those times. No. It was worse than that. It was downright miserable. And having the comfort of another person only for that comfort to be taken away only exacerbated the pain. It felt so bad I thought it would never end.

But thank God, with His help it did. The depression has passed. That allowed me to not need another person's company. More importantly, it allowed me to finally rediscover the joy of being single, to recognize that everything has its pros and cons.

Being with someone is great when you're going through tough times. But contrary to what I thought, it is not impossible to get through those tough times "on you own" too. I realized I'm not actually on my own when God is in my life. God is always gently reminding me that He's still there to help me through this, even when I just wanted to shrivel up into a small corner where no one, not even God could see me.

Now I’ve come out of this stronger and enjoying life again. Sure it hurts sometimes when a memory is suddenly triggered. You feel like a dagger tip just lightly brushed your heart. But you look at the bigger picture and you think, "Life is still ok... but thank God for God!"

Thank God

"Goodbye To You"

"Goodbye to you" (Michelle Branch)

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

[Chorus:]
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

[Chorus]

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

[Chorus x2]

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star...