since i mentioned induced liking...

Sometimes you think you like someone but you feel like something’s missing. You find that missing thing in someone else but then now this new person is missing something too. In the end you realize everyone will miss something. So what are you willing to miss?

Confused? I hope you are… because I am too…haha

Yet amidst all the confusion about how to quantify or qualify an actual attraction, one thing is for sure. You can’t fake that kind of concern for another person. By “that kind”, I mean the special kind. It’s the kind where you always end up thinking about that person subconsciously. You don’t have to purposely think about her. You just do. You see a funny situation and you want to share with her because you want to make her laugh. You see a nice shirt and you think about buying it for him. It’s these kinds of things you know you can trust to be real amidst all the ambiguities that come with attraction.

So perhaps to fit some sort of equation, although I know there is no such thing as logic for love, maybe real like is to be attracted to AND feel that kind of concern for someone.

I even wonder if that kind of effortless concern alone is called love. Maybe an attraction isn’t necessary. I certainly find it hard to imagine doing all that for someone you only see as a friend. But maybe I don’t know enough.

I think sometimes you want to like someone but your fear of knowing it may end terribly stops you from going ahead. But then again, if you feel such concern for that person, wouldn’t not being with her be even more painful?

So in the end how do you know the difference between induced liking and real liking?
If after a long arduous chasing process and a few outings, the girl realizes how good the guy is to her and can imagine herself to be treated in that way by that person then obviously it’s not induced. If however, you like someone just because nobody has treated you this well before and you fear you cannot find someone else better then please don’t get together with him.

Bottom line is: have you ever thought about him when there was no good reason to? If the answer is yes, then all you have to decide is whether you want to play hard to get just a little bit longer or end his agony now.

day of firsts

Today was a rather interesting day. A few firsts happened.

Firstly, I was late for lecture. It’s not because I woke up late or anything. I just underestimated traveling time from kent ridge terminal to my lecture theatre. I noticed that if I go to school at around 11 am there is hardly any traffic so I usually only take 40 mins or so to reach school. So, I figured I need only leave the house at 10. ended up being 5-10mins late. Fortunately the lecturer was still revising earlier lectures.

Secondly, as I entered the lecture, I noticed a very big difference in the seating arrangement. There is usually this group of girls that sit in front of me, behind me but never beside me. Yet there they were all lined up in my row. I told you some girls are having a turn of heart on me… muah haha… ok seriously out of that group 2 are already attached and the rest are friends. Out of that group, I was fortunate enough to sit next to someone for only the 2nd time in my past 2 years in NUS. Ok to be fair I only knew that person last year but I like to exaggerate. Haha… Anyway, I always thought sitting next to that person would be fun and I was proven right today. The previous time I sat next to her was in tutorial so we didn’t get much chance to chat. To be fair, the lack of “sitting opportunities” with that friend was not because she was avoiding me or anything. Once you have a “favourite” row it’s hard to switch over just to sit with someone else. Tongues will probably start wagging. That is the “ba gua” nature of uni life after all…haha… the last thing anyone wants is unfair rumours...besides, switching rows is so unecesary it just feels weird if you do it..so you can’t blame either of us for not taking any initiative. but it was refreshing wasn’t it? =)

There was another first with regards to my project. I feel very proud of myself today. For the first time, I actually felt like a mechanical engineering undergrad because I applied a lot of principles into my design project. Design is one half creativity one half engineering. At least that’s what I would think. But before today the project was practically 90% creativity. Sure the ideas needed some details but they never stretched beyond simple geometry. Yet today I had to apply quite a few formulas and rules to design a component that works. And it felt good. I think lawyers and doctors would find this hard to understand. What could be so fun about calculating? I thought engineers avoid calculations as much as possible? Well… yes we do like to simplify things but there are still some basic ideas we need to use. in fact, I was proud of the fact I used those basic ideas to come up with a reasonably good design. At least I would like to think so.

This design project has confirmed my passion for challenges. I love challenges; which probably explains my willingness to pursue girls who are the most difficult to win over… haha…but seriously, design is fun because it poses a challenge to me and I want to meet up to it. I realise I may fail often but at least I can say I kept trying. And once in a while, you think you come up with a great idea and you feel good. so I think that spells the end of my PhD dream. I realize I prefer design to research any day. But I’ll still try for masters, especially since I have the added bonus of knowing I will probably not be the only one staying another year in school. *wink*

weekly update

As opposed to daily updates I think I have to stick to weekly ones. I doubt I have the time for daily updates anymore. But it was nice to know that people still read my blog. Thanks all you ardent supporters. Haha

This week I am going to focus on studying instead of projects. Those projects have taken up too much of my time so I better start studying a little.

I hardly provide any juicy gossip on this blog but this gossip is half crap so it should be quite safe to put it online, especially when it’s self–made crap.

Lately I have been thinking that some gals seem to have taken a turn of heart on me. When in the past they wouldn’t give me a look, they now seem to be quite interested in what I have to say. I realize of course they are probably just being friendly but the cheeky, egoistic side of me can’t help thinking there’s more to it than just "being friendly" muah haha…

Nonetheless that doesn’t change anything. Gone are the days when I would get “induced” into liking someone. that means liking someone just because the person likes you. That is so childish... which explains why that only happened when I was in junior college. Even then, I still think it should have ended at secondary school but considering I was from an all boy school from pri1 to sec4 I’ll give myself some leeway.

Liking someone is a funny thing. You know you could only be with a certain someone yet you always end up finding fault with that same person. When she’s not around, you think she’s too bossy/ too talkative/ or not photogenic enough. Yet you melt when you're with her/him. Maybe guys and gals aren’t that different after all. We just love to modify things, even things we like.

I’m not saying this purely from personal experience but also a collection of other’s experiences. But what does this mean? Does it mean we are not sincere? Isn’t the person we like supposed to be “PERFECT”? If so, why do we still feel like changing them? Why do we still feel like we can find someone better?

I think like anything else in this world there are always two kinds of “perfect”: one is the perfect match, the other just plain perfect. Some things fit us perfectly like an old pair of shoes. Others are just plain perfect yet we don’t feel any real need to have them like maybe a Ferrari. I like Toyota a lot even though I know there’s room for improvement. Maybe it’s the same with liking someone? Hmm… a little objectifying I know but you get the idea.

I haven’t said anything this “juicy” in this blog for a long time. It’s just to satisfy other people’s cravings really. Besides it’s not anything gossipy; just some ranting from a bored person. Haha

Oh and I am very curios to know who is reading my blog nowadays. Some people have been asking about my blog recently. Others I only just gave this address. It would be nice to see how many still bother to check. So if you read leave a tag ok? Just to satisfy my curiosity really.

a new record. one blog in 20 mins. if i can keep this up I could blog more often after all =)

hello...anyone there?

I think a lot of you must be asking this question. In a way, I am asking that question too. I hope people are still reading my blog... I would feel rather bad if it turns out that everyone has given up on finding updates.

But I have got a very good explanation for all this. For the past week or two, I have been kept extremely busy with projects. It is safe to say that half of my time is spent on projects. It is not just the fact that I have to attend regular meetings. It is not just a question of time. After the meetings are over and new instructions are given, my group has to meet up to discuss new strategies. And that does take a lot out of me. I cannot remember that last time I came home and just ended up stoning.

Anyway, as if the projects are not bad enough, I just realized that I have slightly more than a month before the exams. What surprised me is that I only start to feel some sense of urgency now. But then again, I always think I start too late. So hopefully this is the same.

The main point is that I will either blog a lot or blog very little from now on. It all depends on whether projects take up a lot of my time. If they do, then I know I will be too mentally drained to blog. However, if I can clear my projects and concentrate on studying, then I think I’ll need to blog just to get my mind off studies.

By next Friday, you will have a good idea which scenario happened. I for one hope it’s the latter. Studying is ok. Projects can be fun. But studying while doing projects is quite taxing.