a sample of bachelor life

Today my parents went out for a long dinner so I came home at around 8pm to find the house dark, deserted and devoid of life.

And I didn’t mind it a bit.

I went on to send my clothes to the laundry, cook myself a nice 3 course dinner (that’s right, it had an appetizer and dessert), and do my usual post school relaxation (a.k.a. watching television)

All in all I kind of like the independence, that feeling that you can depend on yourself and that you are answerable to your self. For instance, if your house is a pig sty you can’t put the blame on anyone but yourself. On the other hand, if your house looked great you could claim almost all the credit for your self (although everything still comes from God =))

I could almost picture myself 20 years from now doing roughly the same things. ok so maybe my tummy would be a bit bigger and I won’t have as much energy to cook a meal for myself but I really don’t think I’ll feel lonely.

This may sound a little psychotic but I really do believe I know how to entertain myself.

What I can also guarantee is that I will NEVER resort to pornography like those 40 year old “ah bei”s I see at Chinatown. You can almost see the words “sex” written across their faces.

*insert puke expression here*

Well at least they just watch porn… it’s not as bad as going to prostitutes I guess. (Yes I know…I’m assuming they restrict themselves to porn but let’s give those uncles a chance ok?)

Anyway enough about them… today I met up with a secondary school friend after an absence of about 5 years and he seems to be living proof that people can change a lot.

Actually, come to think of it, I’m also living proof that people can change a lot. I wasn’t exactly Mr. Popular in secondary school and I couldn’t care less about my life. Now thanks to God I’m a lot more motivated and seemingly a lot more likeable. We don’t live our lives in the hope that people like us but I think being likeable is usually a good sign that you are not a bad person. Haha…

Anyway I digress. To cut a long story short I always feared for my friend’s social life. Back in secondary school, he was not the easiest person to get along with despite him being a nice person. I guess back them we all were a little confused.

Now, his social life is not just healthy it’s almost outrageously fantastic! Trust me. He is not one to make up stories just to make himself look good and he doesn’t boast. He couldn’t care less about what others think of him after all. But after a good 2 hour chat, I found out from him that 3 girls have already asked to be his girl friend! I mean think about it. GIRLS are TAKING THE INITIATIVE to DIRECTLY ASK HIM to be their boyfriend. Now the last I checked, girls were still rather conservative in this aspect. No matter how much they liked a guy, the most they would go is hint obviously (an oxymoron but you get the idea…)

Yet here are 3 girls who approached him! Amazing!

And I can understand why. This friend of mine will NEVER lie to you and if he likes your company he really knows how to show you a good time. All in all, he genuinely cares for people. So when he says things like “you have a great smile” you somehow know he really means it and isn’t just flirting or being polite. And what really impressed me is the way he told this girl what he really thought of her. This girl liked him so much she was almost willing to do anything for him. So he told her that while he did like her, he thinks things are going too fast and he wants to treat her as a human being not “a piece of flesh”(his own words). He liked her too much to exploit her. How many guys could really resist a girl who was willing to throw herself at you?

All in all, this friend of mine seems really well grounded. And he said he’s a much better person because of God. So there’s a nice encouragement for me too.

I used to think that girls didn’t like me because they thought I was flirtatious or insincere. But after listening to how these girls came to like him, I found our approach to interacting with girls isn’t that different. We both go out 1 on 1 with girls even if we do not have feelings for them. We go out because we enjoy their company and if one day a feeling comes then all the better.

So there must be some other reason. Of course I could take the easy way out and say it’s my height or rather the lack of it. And I know most girls would agree with me that height does matter to them. Yet I feel that there is something more crucial than that.

I am starting to realize that somewhere between last February and now, something happened to me.

I’ve lost interest in marriage.

It’s a scary prospect but it really is getting more and more evident. This secondary school friend of mine and another friend both expressed a desire to settle down. Both seem determined to give their future wives a good life. (They are still single but they are assuming they will find a wife.) Yet for me, I didn’t want to think so far. I just wanted to support my parents and give back to God and charity. Marriage seems more like an accident (like striking the lottery) than a phase in life.

Maybe it’s all the rejections I’ve faced along the way or that no girl has ever expressed any interest in me or maybe that for now I’ve got a lot of other things to do and I am a bit too young to be distracted by marriage. Besides, my parents always tell me it’s worse to marry a girl you don’t really want than to be single. It is certainly true but I guess I am starting to feel that I will never find that girl I could want THAT badly.

There are a lot of nice girls out there but for one reason or another I just don’t feel that I want them.

Guess marriage has become so meaningless to me that I no longer have that much of a desire to find a girl.

I mean let’s face it, most guys find a girl because they want to get married and start a family. And it’s now common to find guys with this “paternal instinct” in them. You certainly can’t get married without finding a girl!

So once I lose that desire to get married, I guess I also lose some desire to have a girl. But I like to see it in a more positive light. I like to think that if I get together with a girl one day, she will know that I didn’t get together with her because I was hoping to get a wife or because I want kids.

I wanted her just because I wanted her. Because I really liked her and now that I know her, I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

With that feeling, marriage would naturally follow and so too would kids. Well assuming she likes kids too…

So maybe I’m not that disheartened about marriage after all. I’m just a little less pro active about it I guess… haha….

the girl at the macdonald's counter in engin fac didn't know how to use the ice cream machine.. notice how weird the ice cream looks 

another disaster 

v day

V day is coming!!

I’m looking forward to it actually. I think it’s always nice to see people being all romantic and lovey-dovey with each other. It’s almost like watching a free romantic movie except that the cast is not as pretty / handsome (although there is the occasional “jun nan mei nu” couple every now and then)

I’ve noticed that some of my friends seem so saddened by the fact that they are still single. “my 24th v day alone” as they would put it. But if you think about it, most people only get into a REAL relationship after say 21? (Not just because of the age but because it’s only then that we have some income to spend on dates etc) so really it’s more like their 3rd v day alone.

But hang on a sec… who said you’re alone? There are dozens of people out there who care about you and love you so you should be happy.

Unless, of course, you just happened to like someone at that time.

It’s one of the most agonising things to like someone and still not be able to ask her the cliché but romantic question “Will you be my valentine?”

Maybe you know it’s not going to work or maybe you just feel you haven’t reached that stage where you can pop the question. Or worse, maybe somehow you know what her answer would be…”NO”…

Only then would v day seem like the worst day in the calendar.

So I’m happy to say I won’t be having that problem. Ever since 2 years ago, I’ve been a lot fussier about the kind of girl I am willing to pursue so nobody has yet really made me want to go all out this year. And, after all, I’m a guy so the chances of someone asking me “will you be my valentine?” are rather slim.

But what if a girl actually asked me that question? What would I say?

Well I would think I have to say “yes” unless she’s some hideous monster / just pure evil. After all, being someone’s valentine just means that you think she COULD be the one, not that she IS. And why ruin a chance before it even begins?

Yet there are times when you look at a person and you just know somehow it could never happen. She’s not hideous or evil but somehow it’s just not possible. If that happens, I would still take her out but I would explain to her the situation cos just saying no and leaving her all alone and broken hearted is a tad too mean. If she isn’t that bad, I at least owe it to her to (sort of) explain why it couldn’t work right?

But then again, it’s not as if I’m some big Hollywood hunk so I doubt I would ever have to face that rather awkward situation.

I just realized recently that my dad got married at 29. Yet, despite marrying at a reasonably early age, his son is still depending on him for pretty much everything and he has to continue slogging it out at the not so young age of 60.

So the way I see it, 30 is really the limit to finding a “significant other”. After all, by the time I dated her long enough, got married, settled down and am ready to have kids (if my wife wants them) I would probably be about 40 at least!

Yikes….

So, fine. It’s agreed that there’s only 6 more years for me to find somebody. That’s probably what everyone else is thinking and why everyone else seems so sad that until now they still do not have anyone to celebrate v day with. After all, there really does not seem to be much time left.

But I really don’t see what is wrong with being a swinging bachelor. It’s just a matter of getting used to. Besides, it’s not as if marriage is that blissful a thing. It can get pretty ugly too.

But there’s always the same old argument endorsing marriage: what happens when you get old and your parents are dead and your friends are all busy with their own families? wouldn't u sometimes feel alone n wish you were married?

Well how about this argument instead: what happens when you get old and your children have sucked your savings dry, you still owe the bank money for the flat you paid for and your children are too busy going out with their own wives /husbands to really spend time with you? wouldn't u sometimes wish you were single without a care in the world and have no burdens to bear?

The bottom line is that either lifestyle can suck unless you were mentally prepared for the risks that come with it. With marriage, you tell yourself that you love this girl so much you don’t care if she’s wrinkled up and if you don’t have the income to go on all those "golden year" holidays you were supposed to go with her. You just want her forever so you take on all the risks.

And that goes the same for bachelorhood. I would tell myself it’s better to spend my old age alone and (logically) richer and stress-free than spend it worrying how to support my family with a wife I didn’t really want.

So yup it’s all about fate I guess. There’s a Chinese word called “sui yuan”. It means just seeing where the tide takes you and leaving things like love to fate. Well, being a Christian, I would be more accurate if I said I leave it to God. However, I know I won’t be the kind of person that would CONTINUE to leave it to God even after He has given me a girl I really want. Of course I would go after her. Which human being wouldn’t?

But till then, all I want to do is treasure each day and just do my best to bring glory to God.

6 more years till the comforts of bachelorhood!

On the other hand, 6 more years till the joy of finding a real love.

Either way I thank God for everything and because of HIM, I know I will be content =)