PUBLIC SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT

To residents or visitors to the central part of singapore commonly known as GEYLANG:

please be informed that CCTV cameras have been installed on all odd numbered lorongs. this is to curb the recent trend of snatch thefts and other illegal activities. ( but that means the even numbered lorongs are super packed so you can forget about going there either..)

children, in particular teenage girls, should always go to geylang with an adult ( who is not some ah bei who's constantly asking you "how much?")

all females should refrain from wearing anything too revealing ( in other words, girls should just wear MOP-4 chemical warfare armour, a huge raincoat...or better yet, just dress up as a nun. )

we encourage all singaporeans and tourists to go to geylang to savour local delights unique to that area ( white chicken, dark chicken, and other "ji"s)

however, for your own safety, please dress down ( or just make yourself look as ugly as possible )and have a male to female ratio of 1:1 ( preferably the male should look like a complete nerd to avoid mis intrepretating the pair as a "business partnership". weixian is a good role model to follow in the nerd area)

if you only wish to try the food there (which is really very very good), please make sure you have a guide who knows the area well so you will not end up at the wrong places..rest assured there are specific eating areas that only sell food (and by food we actually mean real food you can eat)

thank you and have a nice evening in geylang

regards,
me

P.S: we have just been informed that most girls in geylang actually already look very dressed down..so perhaps you should dress formally instead..( just dress up as a nun)

DISCLAIMER: this annoucement does not intend to bash geylang. without geylang, rape cases would be tripled..some men just need an outlet to release their over flowing testorone..prostitiution is a product of temptation, bio chemistry and lack of self-control..but it's still better than rape...not all prosititutes are illegal and some may seem to have had little choice but take up a profession such as that..we've all heard the true stories of single mothers with little education taking up prostiution to feed their children...

all i'm saying is that if you go to geylang at night, as i have to since i live near there, make sure you don't go to the wrong parts or you may feel extremely uncomfortable. it's a few times worse for girls if you ask me...so i am a little concerned about going there to eat with my friends as we so happily discussed a few weeks back...then again, if we go to my places, it really looks like any other street in toa payoh..so nothing to fear..

guess i got a little paranoid when, yesterday, i followed my mum to geylang to buy dinner home. we drove along the shortest route to the pau dian which meant driving by those less desirable areas.. and i must say even a MALE, like me, can feel the sexual urges of all those men...

and no, those urges were not directed at me...