dealing with people...

Well, my supervisor is back today. He’ll be leaving for batam again tomorrow so we are trying to finish an experiment by today. I’ll probably have to compile and type the report for him in his absence but I’m starting to get quite used to this secretary-like lifestyle.

Considering the little time we have together, I would like to get started on this experiment as soon as possible. Unfortunately, as I knew too well in army, how soon you complete your assignment depends more on how soon your supporting staff complete their tasks. Right now, I’m waiting for the lab technician to send me back some measurements. Apparently, the measuring equipment is way too complex (and expensive) to risk an undergraduate student using it. So I just have to wait for the measurements to come before I can carry on. Considering he took only 2 hours to complete 13 readings, I am baffled as to why it takes more than an hour to complete the remaining 6 readings. I just went to look him up at the lab but I saw him chatting with his colleagues. He said I can come back at 11.

I really, really hope that he was not lying when he said he was waiting for the machine to warm up. However, the cynical side of me can’t help feeling that he is just trying to bluff me. After all, I’m this innocent green horn. Of course I would have to believe him right?

To be fair, I cannot prove that the machine was already warmed up and seeing how diligent he was yesterday I suppose there is no harm in trusting him. But it made me realize, yet again, that I don’t seem to like people that much. Haha…

I notice that everytime I meet new faces, I naturally give this look that says “I don’t know you so let’s just pretend we didn’t see each other”. However, if the face belongs to a pretty girl, I’ll probably try to act macho and just look straight ahead. I mean I don’t want to stare at her right?

This attitude towards strangers basically stems from my belief that nobody can be trusted so why bother making friends with people I cannot trust. Of course, that ought to mean that I shouldn’t have any friends. Well I think I do. But the word “friend” is very loosely used nowadays. As long as you know his name and hand phone number, he automatically becomes your friend. However, isn’t a real friend is supposed to be someone you can depend on? I honestly cannot say who I can trust with my deepest secrets or whom I can depend on when I meet with a crisis. Even best friends have their own troubles to deal with. How can they help you when they can’t even handle their own problems?

That’s why I think friends will always be fair-weather friends. Sure, some friends are better than others. Some friends will try to help you with what they are willing to sacrifice while other (so-called) friends will not even lend you a cent or a helping hand. However, I still believe it is too naïve of anyone to think a friend will sacrifice something he is NOT willing to sacrifice. If I asked you to sell your house to help pay my mother’s hospital bills, could you really do it? I certainly don’t think I could.

Yet, I know that being a Christian means showing compassion and not being too concerned with earthly possessions. So where do I draw the line? Mother Theresa once said that you know you’ve given a lot when you gave till it hurts. Every time there’s a disaster aid fund collection in my church, I think of an amount in my head and I’ll only think it’s enough if I feel pain from losing that sum of money. If I’m a billionaire and I give $10 it’s not much of a gift is it?

Yet I can’t help wondering if I’ve really given enough. I could give more and it’ll hurt more. But the fact is that I can still afford to give it away. Yet, I can’t help thinking that I need to keep this money for a rainy day when I may have my own problems. And the sad reality is that a lot of the problems in this modern world stem from the lack of money.

Anyway I digress, the point is that I don’t trust people yet I will show compassion to them if I see them in trouble. I won’t give as readily to a stranger as I would to a friend. But whoever it is, I have to be convinced that they are in genuine distress. Either that or the help is something small so I’ll just do it.

Ultimately, I only answer to God. I can keep a lot with me or give it all away but it doesn’t matter one bit once I die. I can’t take anything with me once I’m dead.