The dreaded three

this article is written in advance for my faculty's next quarterly issue of our magazine. i am a columnist for them. the issue will be released somtime around Valentine's Day so you should read the article in that context. give me your opinions ok? thanks =)

It’s finally here. I’ve reached the point of no return. From here on, there is nothing but despair and anguish. Why? Because I’ve reached "the dreaded 3".

For most actors/models, "the dreaded 3" refers to reaching the age of 30, which usually associates with the loss of youth and the beginning of the end. Some might even claim that this was the reason Ivy Lee did not get into the top 10 last year. (Although I think it’s due to a lack of publicity or shows)
However, here in NUS, "the dreaded three" refers simply to reaching year 3. For if you believe what others tell you, year 3 signals the end of trying to find any potential love life.

Or so the myth goes.

I still remember the "horror stories" my friends used to tell me while I was in my first year. According to them, this is how one’s love life works when in university:

Guide to BGR in NUS ENGINEERING FACULTY
You have a full selection of year 1 girls to choose from, who are attracted to the fact that the guys they meet now are no longer the immature, computer game obsessed guys they knew from junior college. Instead, we year 1s were seen as matured and more independent (although still obsessed with computer games). In short, now is the best time to find a girlfriend. You don’t want to wait till year 2 because…

In year 2, most people would have followed the advice of point #1. So most of the good girls are already taken. You still need not worry too much because you can always go after those girls who just broke up with their "boyfriends" who turned out to be pigs. Naturally, chasing after someone who may be vulnerable is not preferred but at least it’s better than year 3 because…

By the time you reach year 3, the girls who were once available are now attached. Of those who broke up, most broke up when they were in year 1 so they probably found new boy friends by now. Hence, the only girls remaining are buck-toothed, "hair like toilet brush" girls who lift up their legs to scratch their buttocks (think Ru Hua…). In such circumstances, one can still find a girlfriend if one is willing to look beyond the superficial and see the "inner beauty" of that girl. You may have to look very, very, very deep to find that inner beauty and she may have to wear a ski mask every time you go out so you don’t faint but hey at least it’s better than year 4 because…

Now that you are in year 4, the girls left are not only straining on the eyes but they are rude and just plain evil. If you got together with them, you would have to wear a dog leash and let her kick you around a few times just to persuade her to have lunch with you. You are better off becoming a permanent bachelor! If you made the mistake of getting together with such a girl out of sheer desperation, please remember to write a will and hide all your finances in a swiss bank account so she has no reason to continue the relationship. If she still clings on to you, just say you’re gay.

I hope that up to this point, you are all laughing along instead of nodding your head in agreement because what I said is just simply not true. I have no idea how people came up with this common mindset that "year 3 equals the end of any love life", as if girls were so desperate and guys so charming that there would be no females left. Few girls are desperate and the only charming guy I’ve met in NUS is a professor.

Contrary to the myth, most of my engineering compatriots are still single, both male and female. Some might claim that that is because they are precisely the "RuHua-istic" type that nobody could want. However, I can assure you they are just as good if not better than the other people currently attached so it’s really just a question of timing and "fate".

Besides, a good looking, witty guy like me is still single too so I alone can debunk the "Ru Hua theory". (Although I admit I do scratch myself when nobody’s looking…haha…come on you all do it too…)

If I have to give a statistic, I think about 60% of my year 3 cohort is still single. Considering there are 2 guys to every girl here in engineering, this really should not come as a surprise. (Even if every girl got attached to a guy in engineering, there would still be 30% left.) What would surprise most people is that I gave a figure of 60% when most expect only a percentage of at most 40%.

And that’s not the end. The myth extends into working life too. Everyone seems to be under the impression that the typical office contains only people who are attached, engaged, married or grandparents.

Well again that is another myth. A lot of Singaporeans only get married at 40 and 1 out of every 5 males is still single even after 40. As for girls, if I recall the percentage is smaller (they need not have married Singaporeans after all) but not too small either.

All in all, one shouldn’t think of the office as a place where being single is something so rare everyone starts questioning your sexuality. It really is not that bad!

Of course some of you might be thinking I am just consoling myself since I belong to the "loner’s club".
But who said I felt alone in the first place? Everyone my age seems to think of February as "Valentine’s day month", a time when the boy friends and girl friends begin to plan their outings or book their favourite restaurants. While that is true, one should not forget that just a few years ago, most people thought of February as "friendship day" month, when people were exchanging cards rather than kisses.

And that is the whole point of this column really. As I said before in "bus seat syndrome", one should never yearn after things one doesn’t have but instead treasure the things one already has. If you know what you really want and who you really are, being in a relationship or not is inconsequential but just simply an added bonus.

I would be over cynical if I said being single was better off. I do know that love is a nice thing to be in. I just think that there are times when we over-rate romance, like as if having a partner is the solution/band-aid to all of life’s hardships and problems.
I have many friends whom I’ve worked with on projects or in committees. I wouldn’t say we can read each other’s mind but they certainly were there for me when I was feeling disappointed or stressed. I have a friend who once listened to me from 2 to 4am even though she had nothing to do with my problem. Another friend took the trouble to find out my birthday and buy me a present. I only see my church friends once a week but they still make sure they sms me "good luck" before my exams.

Having a significant other is a really pleasant thing. For certain, love between two soul mates is a different kind of feeling nothing else can compare to. However, we should not think it’s better than love between friends just because it’s rare. Love between friends can be warm, kind and sincere too.

So to all the couples out there, I sincerely wish you all a happy Valentine’s day. To the singles like me, maybe you should go say a little thank you to all the friends who helped you through university life since it’s the month of Friendship Day too.
And if the myth is true and you are a guy/girl who is indeed attached to someone of "Medusa/Frankenstein" proportions, well…erm… good luck?

Haha…